Cartier Advertises in Vain

Are you going to buy some Cartier products this Christmas? In case you are - look at these advertisements, and I GUARANTEE you will change your mind. The rings etc. and watches are hideous. They're as subtle as a, a, a... er... an amaryllis? A vindaloo? No simile exists that will do justice to the absurd height to which these gaudy trinkets take their scorn for decent, restrained values. The advertising tries, but fails, to impress upon the public the desirability of what is in truth, and costly materials notwithstanding, coarse bling. The quest was doomed from the drawing board. My point is, that spend what you will on fancy advertising campaigns, it profiteth you nothing if the merchandise doesn't cut it - and this definitely does not.

 

Look at this, and gasp :



Innocent leopard cub startled by monstrous jewellery objet.

 




"What in the name of all that's a waste of valuable precious metals is this?"

 



Leopard cub has disposed of the glittering gewgaws by pushing them away across the floor. Only empty boxes remain.
Quite reasonably the cub finds them and cherry petals infinitely more attractive.




Totally bemused by the leather bag, leopard has to have a lie down.

 



"What fresh hell...?"

 




"SURELY my eyes deceive me? There can't be MORE of this stuff."




"Right. I've had as much of this as I can stand. Engage Attack Mode. DIE, tawdry item - DIE."



There. You'll not be buying anything with a Cartier label NOW, will you? If you will, you're a stronger man than I am. This horrible collection of jewellery must have destroyed any customer-base they might once have had, as its only possible appeal is to a non-existent target demographic that consists entirely of multi-millionaire East-End barrow-boys aged 2. Population : zero. Bad luck, Cartier. Instead of spending Lord knows how much money hiring baby leopards and fake snow etc. they should have put their advertising budget into product research and designed some things people would actually want to buy. These advertisements must make everyone think Good heavens that's not the sort of thing Araminta would wear, not even when she's been on the Bolly; I shan't go to Cartier for her present.

 

 

Araminta refers you to the 18ct gold hunter in the previous post, if you want to please her at Christmas.