Investment Advice

Currys - a company ON ITS KNEES

If you have got any shares in Currys I think you should ditch them right now, or at least as soon as the dealing floor opens in the morning. This firm is not bothering to make the slightest attempt to satisfy the customers, and people are going to notice before long. I have noticed already.

Currys -  the Investors' Bane. Sell NOW.

I went to a Currys shop recently to try to get an iPad thing in the sales. Mistake! It was a place of utter pandemonium. Horrible music played loudly on tinny speakers; numerous deafening alarms and beeping noises sounded constantly and no-one made any attempt to stop them. Ignorant, gauche young men milled about, their Currys livery betraying the fact that they were supposed to be helping the customers. They were all chewing gum. Well they weren't actually - they must have been forbidden to, which is something I suppose - but you could see that they wanted to. 

We found some iPaddy items, but noted that they were displaying the normal (not sale) prices. We secured, with some difficulty, the attention of a gauche young man and asked him what the hell he thought was going on. He told us that the displayed prices were false; but he did nothing to rectify the shop's blunder. We sent him to a staff information post among the toasters and kettles (don't know why it was there) to find out whether they had got any of the particular iPad thing we wanted. (That took him ages.) Predictably, they did not. 

We collared another young man, marginally less gauche, who was in fact a Manager (V grand!) who said that we could have, he thought, possibly, a different iPaddy thing which might well be in stock but was not the one we had painstakingly chosen after many hours of online research. Dismissing the manager, we discussed what to do. All this was being carried out in conditions of extreme inconvenience due to the mega-decibel beeping etc and music. We decided to order the wretched machine online and have it sent to our house. 

While still in the shop we found a cover for the machine and went to buy it at the counter, where a charmless girl eventually, grudgingly, served us while making it clear that she resented our interrupting her courtship of a nearby youth of negligible appeal. I think if he likes her, their union will be miserable. He should look for a girl who applies herself to her job in a more responsible manner. 

Then we went to the Carphone Warehouse section of the shop, directed there by the Manager fellow to sort out getting Wifi. Here the ignorance of the youths available surpassed even that of the ones with whom we had already dealt. They knew NOTHING about setting up the Wifi, but they were willing to set us up with completely the wrong thing, and take our money for doing so. Luckily they were quite unable to disguise the extent of their stupidity so we made our excuses and left. 

When we got home we needed VAST gins to restore us.

Later, the iPad we had ordered online arrived. And behold! They had sent the wrong one! So, not only do Currys' actual shops not work, but their online facilities are useless as well. Many hours were then wasted on the phone to the Complaints Dept who were steadfastly reluctant to help. I demanded to speak to Lord Curry himself but they wouldn't let me. We were told to return to the House of Ignoramuses, ad Domum Ignoramorum which was bally MILES away. 

Back we went. Still as noisy, still populated by dolts. Spoke to Manager. He looked at the unopened box, found a not-visible-to-the-naked-eye product code, looked it up on his encrypted secret staff site and confirmed it to be actually the right item after all - despite it saying clearly on the box, the name of some other iPad item.

Informative, eh?  Curse you, Apple.

If you went to Tesco's to get some baked beans, you would not expect to have to look at tins labelled Beans, with an electron microscope to find a secret code which you then had to look up online to find out what was in the tin, would you? You would just expect there to be writing on a label which says, truthfully, 'Tesco's Value Baked Beans'. According to Manager Man, this is a problem they have with Apple packaging; all the boxes look exactly the same and just say iPad on them. They do not go into the niceties of whether it is an iPad, iPad mini, iPad mini 2, iPod shuffle, Babbage Difference Engine etc.  Since this is the case Currys should make sure their Complaints Dept knows about it so that they can tell the customers where to look for the microscopic code to discover what is in the box.

Currys cares nothing for the sanity of its customers and I strongly recommend SELLING any shares you have in it because with service as bad as this the company is sure to founder soon. Also it is unkind of them to expose the gauche young men to the fury of the general public. While on to your stockbroker, tell him to get rid of your Carphone Warehouse shares which are equally worthless. 
Put your money in to Gin, my friends. 

GIN: Reliable stuff.