Lent: Here we are on the fifth Monday of it and I have really had enough. Lent has many nasty points:
- The hymns are absolute dirges. They have boring tunes, and dour words written by well-behaved people.
- Almsgiving. There are precious few alms around here and we can not spare any.
- Confession. I have got to go and squeal to poor Fr O'Hanrahan from whom no secrets must be hid.
- Fasting. I give up chocolate every Lent, but the reason for this is beyond me. It achieves NOTHING and depletes my endorphin levels. And imagine renouncing CLARET! I don't renounce it - there are limits - but there are people who do, to my certain knowledge. That strikes me as being borderline insane.
- They have covered up the statue of Gentle Jesus at the Sacred Heart with a hideous purple cloth.
Primroses. Nicer than Lent - Worst of all, Lent is LONG. Why does everyone think it consists of only 40 days? It stretches on and on, week after dreary week, from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday. The number of days is given by the formula 7n+4 where n = the number of weeks. There is no integer n such that 7n+4=40, as any toddler could tell you.
In fact Lent lasts for 46 days, which means you get 6 extra days in the arid desert where no chocolate is and no claret consoles.
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