Cowkind - already reeling from
i) gross and widespread misrepresentation by hideous fibreglass effigies, and
ii) recent publication of a newly-discovered poem written by T S Eliot, sample lines of which include "Of all the beasts that God allows... I most of all dislike the cows," -
has this week suffered a further blow as members of the cow community were subjected to a horrifying serenade by a silly human dressed in what he imagined was a cow suit. The cow suit was actually an unconvincing costume incorporating a most indelicate udder which was embarrassing for everyone present. The event was being done as a publicity stunt to advertise a musical entertainment taking place in London. Needless to say, the cows failed to buy a single ticket. They just stared, bewildered, as one of their human masters behaved like an absolute imbecile.
i) gross and widespread misrepresentation by hideous fibreglass effigies, and
ii) recent publication of a newly-discovered poem written by T S Eliot, sample lines of which include "Of all the beasts that God allows... I most of all dislike the cows," -
has this week suffered a further blow as members of the cow community were subjected to a horrifying serenade by a silly human dressed in what he imagined was a cow suit. The cow suit was actually an unconvincing costume incorporating a most indelicate udder which was embarrassing for everyone present. The event was being done as a publicity stunt to advertise a musical entertainment taking place in London. Needless to say, the cows failed to buy a single ticket. They just stared, bewildered, as one of their human masters behaved like an absolute imbecile.
One can only hope that the poor creatures, pictured, later took matters into their own hands and stampeded, trampling the guitar-and-pretend-cow act to the ground.
It's time for Society to pause and take stock. When even the cows look aghast at our activities, we have surely gone too far. We owe it to the dumb animals who are at our mercy, to conduct ourselves with a modicum of dignity. Otherwise they feel terribly insecure, wondering what idiotic thing we might do next.
A bovine spokesperson and cow expert said yesterday, "Cows aren't Julia. They should not have to undergo this sort of distress."
A bovine spokesperson and cow expert said yesterday, "Cows aren't Julia. They should not have to undergo this sort of distress."
Where does Fr O'Hanrahan stand on this business of involving animals in 'cultural activities'? I'm thinking in particular of Fransis of Assisi. I only ask because I want to know.
ReplyDeleteI am sure Fr O'Hanrahan agrees fully with me as he does on most things. FranCis of Assisi would have had no truck with dressing up in a ridiculous suit. He preached to the animals with as much solemn respect as he did to his human congregation. (I expect. I have not checked this.)
Delete'Most indelicate udders', yes, I quite agree, though those cows are taking an unseemly interest in them. Why aren't they doing what cows do best which is chewing the cud? Instead they look to me as though they are about to pounce on the strummer in maddened lust.
ReplyDeleteps Your public appreciate your willingness to help us improve our grammar, spelling, etc but, in case you are considering it, there is no need to correct my use of 'udders' when only one is visible, thankfully. I beg your pardon for my error which was done to avoid mentioning the appendages of which the said udder is comprised, otherwise the plural 'them' used in conjunction with the singular 'udder' in my original sentence would occasion your just rebuke. I'm sure you see my point. Either way an error is unavoidable but made with your own delicate sensitivity in mind. The ethical dilemma posed by the udder/udders of the strumming cow is quite interesting. Perhaps a fitting subject for a theological exam?
ReplyDeleteThank you for your careful attention to this matter. The cows are not taking an unseemly interest in the udder but are in attack formation. 'Teats' is an acceptable anatomical term and freely used in dairy agricultural circles. No ethical dilemma would have arisen if the idiot human had seen the error of his ways and ditched the whole project as distasteful in the extreme. If one is going to impersonate animals one should do it realistically and that would exclude the use of an udder plainly made out of plastic.
Delete'Teats' wasn't quite the word I had in mind but, if I may say with no condescension intended, your innocence reveals a purity of mind which does you credit.
ReplyDeleteHeh heh yes I admit there were other terms I thought you might be thinking of but I have a (quite unfounded) reputation for saintliness which I seek to maintain so I opted for pretending to think you meant teats. Thank you for your admirable tactfulness.
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