Thursday 25 April 2013

CAT AVAILABLE

 

CAT FOR SALE. Full working order. One owner from new. Insolence forces sale.


Ill-mannered cat keeping guard over rescued violin

Our cat Blackie has sorely offended me by objecting to my violin practice. Normally as soon as I open the violin case he leaves the premises at speed - which is rude enough you might think - but yesterday he got into a very disturbed state under the impression that I was viciously hurting some sort of wooden cousin of his who he must protect at all costs. To do so he carried out the following which I regard as a confounded cheek.
 
1. He jumped onto the narrow shelf where I prop up the music due to lack of music stand, and tried to interpose his own body between me and the music. Ha! I know the piece off by heart so that didn't silence me.
2. Then he knocked all the music and everything else off the shelf onto the floor. Let it lie there I said and continued scraping.
3. Next he climbed onto the back of a nearby chair and clawed at the bow. I kept practising, so he tried to knock the violin out of my hands. 'The dedicated violinist will stop at nothing,' I informed him, and refused to relinquish the instrument.
4. Thwarted, he tried to ascend my leg by means of digging his claws into me, which hurt quite a bit; but I played bravely on. 
5. As a last resort he bit me. It was a gentle bite and done out of despair, but the fact remains, he bit me - ME, who he dotes on. I do know it's really just my opposable thumbs which he dotes on and the ability they bestow to operate the tin opener, but even so...
6. Then the battle ended as I had other things to do and wines to drink. Later we found Blackie sitting beside the abandoned violin, balefully repelling all who approached (see picture).

It was touching that he seemed very concerned not only about the poor wooden kitten being cruelly tortured but also about me who (he thought) had gone completely mad. He was only doing his ignorant best... but yet he hath caused me grave affront. I was merely trying to play some exquisite Bach : it's not my fault if it sounded like a kitten being murdered. I'd like to see Blackie do it better, with his unopposable thumbs.
I did not even consider it a particularly bad practice session, unlike sometimes when it really is quite terrible believe me.

As a result of the incident I have realised cats are oblivious to the social niceties and as such they make their feelings perfectly clear no matter how wounding that might be to the recipient.
I have a very forgiving nature, but... Well, Blackie my friend - if you don't like my playing you know what you can do : find someone else blessed with pollical opposability to open your tins of catty chunks for you.




What does this look like? A lovely Bach Minuet, or the soundtrack to Death of a Kitten?
 




 
 
 
 
 
 

5 comments:

  1. Some people just can't take a hint.

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  2. Cats can be so like prima donnas. Quite unreasonable behaviour & may I suggest just offer him as a giveaway prize?

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    1. Yes thank you. Actually I am considering breaking him for spares. (Not really. He's a dear little fellow)

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  3. I think you should tell Blackie that catgut has nothing whatsoever to do with cats or violins. He's obviously in some distress, poor thing, and needs 'counselling' to assuage his anxiety.

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  4. The strings on this violin are new-fangled and made of metal but Blackie knows nothing of such developments in violin technology. I have 'counselled' him with extra rations of catty chunks and he feels better now.

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