Indignation against Lutes and Bacon

Do not read this if you play any strummed or plucked instrument.

Lutes.

This is in reference to the fact that I abhor a plucked string. Yet bowed strings are my principal delight. The difference a bit of horse hair makes is marvellous, iff in the right hands. I use iff in the mathematical sense i.e. to mean if and only if. (see previous post)

Before I start going on about plucked strings I refer you to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CvLpA8EVEo&feature=youtube_gdata_player

specially the first movement.

 

 

A rare example of lute music that I like.

Vivaldi concerto in D for Lute and played here on an archlute which is not something I would advise you to try and get in your hand luggage on an Easyjet flight.

 

 

 

On the whole though I detest pizzicato stuff.

Banjo playing is the ear-borne equivalent of slapstick comedy and we all know how I feel about that. It contains not an iota of sensitivity or musical merit. George Formby can get right out of my life never to be heard of again for all I care. 

The Harry Lime Theme from The 3rd Man film: I learnt to play this on the piano and I thought it was pretty cool. My horror when on seeing the film I heard it played ON A ZITHER knew no bounds. What a waste of a good tune.

Classical Spanish guitar is also insufferable.

Ukeleles: out of the question. Dear God.

HARPS: NO, NO, NO and again NO. I can not abide the affected way the harpists move their hands. I know it's not their fault; I suppose they have to flutter them about in that ludicrous manner to get the sound to come out correctly but why would anyone want to? It's a silly noise. I did hear a harp performance once in which the harpist was brilliant and made it sound as though she was playing a piano, but one thought why on earth didn't she just do that - play a piano?

 

 

OK Everyone may safely read this bit.

Bacon.

I love bacon, it's very palatable and ideal for hangover victims. But I do not like Tesco. This is the audacious scam they pulled on me:

 

 

 

 I selected the choicest pack of streaky bacon just as my son likes it - thus -

 

 

I paid  a tidy sum for it at the checkout, got it home, opened it up, took the top slice out of the packet to put under grill and what did I see? THIS disgraceful sight -

All the other slices were like this. They hid the horrible ones under the only nice one they had left.

Judge for yourself how furious I was - furious enough to gather photographic evidence and to fume over the incident for months (it happened last April).

Tesco are richer than Croesus and have absolutely no need to rip the customers off in this mean way.

They are always doing things like that and their latest idea is the utterly useless "Buy 2 get 1 free" offer on CABBAGES. I ask you. One cabbage in any given month is all that a normal family can stomach.
The Buy 1 get 1 free offers at least represented a 50% discount whereas this new deal gives only 33.3recurring% off, even if you wanted their nasty cabbages.
And their reductions on going-out-of-date stuff are risible. I saw one once that said "REDUCED! NOW £1.10! Usual price £1".  What sort of dolts do they take us for? I can't think why they bother having wares on the shelves; they could just have buckets by the door into which we could all empty our wallets and be done with it.

 

On a more cheerful note 'Lutes' ends and 'Tesco' starts, with the same three letters, which can be useful in crossword clues.