There exists in London, to my certain knowledge, a person called Opal, who is a complete marvel and whose services are much
coveted by all members of London society. Some people of my acquaintance are fortunate enough to have secured said services, and so Opal comes into their houses while they
are out toiling, and makes them all clean and tidy ready for their return. In our
house we have unfortunately got a ReverseOpal who does the opposite of what
Opal achieves, and that in a fraction of the several hours per week that Opal
lavishes on each of the houses in her care.
When I go
out to work I leave the house spotless with nothing waiting to be washed
up or put away, and fully equipped with what is requisite and necessary for
the family. When I return home I find that the ReverseOpal has been
in operation here, getting stuff (LOADS of stuff) out and making it dirty and
then leaving it lying about everywhere. Also ReverseOpal has used up all the
bread/milk/butter/kitchen rolls/toothpaste etc. and I believe she also goes out
sometimes and fetches such things as some greasy tongs to bring here, and she
spills cooking oil over the entire kitchen and while doing all these activities
she produces basketfuls of dirty washing. I may sack her.
ReverseOpal
has an enthusiastic team of experts who help her eagerly with her evil
tasks. The place is CHAOS, everything is filthy, nothing is where it lives and
there aren't any anythings left (eg cereal, coffee, shampoo, pens, clothes
hangers, and (this is the worst) tonic in the fridge). Also they tear the
buttons off EVERYTHING and make holes in ALL the socks. I simply can not
cope.
ReveseOpal
and her team spend their time necking the household claret and availing
themselves of the contents of my chocolate safe (strictly forbidden). Also they
go about leaving the waste bins overflowing, breaking things, and running
everything out of batteries.
The
microwave invariably gets used to explode various substances and NOT CLEANED
OUT AFTERWARDS in direct contravention of the regulations.
If I leave
my wallet behind on leaving the house, it will have been neatly filleted of any
folding cash and coins of the higher denominations by the time I return. This
is the only thing where Opal and ReverseOpal have the remotest similarity,
namely they both cost money. However Opal is paid by prior arrangement
whereas ReverseOpal helps herself to my money without reporting the fact so that the first
I know of it is when I find myself at the checkout with zero means of payment.
